


Shortstuff

by LunarisXXXIII



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Anger, Fluff, Mario Kart Ruins Friendships, Mentioned violence, Semi-graphic violence, Swearing, Tabletop RPGs, Threatened/Implied Violence, Uno Ruins Self-Esteem, farmers market, monster racism
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-05
Updated: 2020-04-06
Packaged: 2020-07-10 14:57:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19907608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LunarisXXXIII/pseuds/LunarisXXXIII
Summary: Collection of small Undertale drabbles,probably not gonna be more than a couple hundred words apiece*Because apparently I'm a fricken liar sometimes





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be careful what you say...

They really should ban Mario Kart from game night.

“GOD DAMN IT!”

“please calm down m’l-”

“THERE IS NO WAY HE HAS WON FOUR TIMES IN A ROW! HE MUST BE CHEATING!”

Edge rolled his eyes “It’s Impossible To Cheat At-”

“THEN HOW THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IT YOU FUCKING BEANPOLE?”

“By Being Better Than You, Shrimp.”

“NO, YOU WIN BY BEING A DIRTY FUCKING CHEATER!” Razz screeched, flinging his controller to the floor.

“jeez razz, it’s just a-”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP ASH-TRASH!”

“RAZZBERRY! IT IS VERY UNBECOMING OF YOU TO BE SUCH A BAD SPORT.”

“IT IS MORE “UNBECOMING” OF HIM TO BE SUCH A CHEAT! HE SHOULD BE BANNED!”

“Go Fuck Yourself Razzamatazz.”

“GO TO HELL YOU CHEATING-!”

“-not it.”

All eyes turned to look at Sans slumped over one arm of the couch, eyes half-lidded as he watched the display before him.

Red stared for a moment before realization dawned on him.

“not it!” Red chimed in, a shark-like grin stretching across his face.

Razz looked between them both, now able to guess exactly what they were talking about, but just as he went to speak-

“WHAT IS GOING ON DOWN HERE? I HEARD RAZZBERRY YELLING FROM ALL THE WAY UPSTAIRS!”

Blue was standing at the top of the stairs, his arms crossed and wearing his best scolding glare.

Sans and Red both looked to Blue, then each other, and promptly burst out laughing. Stretch and Razz glared at both of them as Edge, Slim and Papyrus tried to cover their own laughter. Blue looked between them all, his stern look falling into one of confusion.

“WHAT DID I SAY?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “BROTHER, I DON’T BELIEVE THAT THIS GAME WAS SUCH A GOOD CHOICE. MAYBE NEXT TIME WE COULD TRY SOMETHING A LITTLE LESS VIOLENCE-INDUCING?”
> 
> “sure thing paps. here, how about this one?”
> 
> “WHAT DOES ‘YUNOW’ MEAN?”
> 
> “it’s pronounced ‘uno’, it’s like, spanish or something. all you have to do is keep getting rid of your cards until you’ve only got one left, then you say ‘uno’.”
> 
> “I SEE! THIS SEEMS LIKE A MUCH BETTER CHOICE, A NICE, PEACEFUL CARD GAME!”


	2. Uno!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey look, I actually made a second chapter! Critiques are always appreciated as I cannot improve without feedback!

“uno!”

“AGAIN?!”

They really should stop letting Sans pick the games...

They had started playing almost as soon as their alternates arrived, going over rules and doing a quick practice round, but of course, that didn’t last very long. Almost as soon as they had started the first “real match” tempers had been high and patience short, the simple fun of the game lost in the competitive spirit of the group. 

Blue had been the first to get Uno and, due to the lack of resistance from Stretch who he was seated next to, was the first to achieve victory as well. Most of the group hadn’t wanted to start a completely new game afterwards, so they decided to continue playing to determine the “ultimate loser” among them.

They had been playing for the better part of three hours before it was finally narrowed down to the final two, Stretch and Papyrus. Blue stood nearby, cheering Stretch on from the sidelines, while Sans had flopped backwards and begun to snore almost as soon as his hand was gone. At this point, most of the others had migrated to different parts of the house rather than waiting for the game to finish.

Papyrus watched Stretch suspiciously from over his cards. Since his alternate only had a single card to his three, he would have to be very careful in deciding what color to play next, one wrong move could have him becoming the Ultimate Loser, something that he could not abide.

He gave a quick glance towards the deck, of the cards Stretch had played, there was a noticeable lack of green cards, but this could just be a trap! A clever ploy meant to lure him in to setting up the wrong color. Papyrus narrowed his eyes at his lazy counterpart, assured in his alternate’s attempt at deception. He refused to fall for such a ruse! Stretch had been playing as many red cards as he could it seemed, matching number rather than color for-

“WOULD ONE OF YOU JUST LOSE ALREADY SO WE COULD PLAY ANOTHER GAME?!” Razz shouted from across the room.

“INDEED I BELIEVE YOU ARE RIGHT RAZZ, IT IS TIME TO FINISH THIS GAME ONCE AND FOR ALL!” Papyrus shouts confidently, placing his color change at the top of the pile. “COLOR CHANGE; RED!”

Stretch looks to him, an unreadable expression crossing his face. “gee, thanks rus. i woulda had to draw cards if you hadn’t done that.” He states simply, throwing his last card onto the pile. Papyrus feels his eye sockets go wide.

“NYOO HOO HOO!” Papyrus cries, on his hands and knees leaning over the cards. “BUT MY STRATEGY WAS SO PERFECT!”

Sans gets up, patting a hand on Papyrus’ back soothingly. “there, there pap. you’ll get him next time.”

“Next Time Is Most Certainly Not Going To Be Tonight At This Rate.” Edge says from the kitchen. “That Whole Game Ran For Nearly Four Goddamn Hours And We Only Got To Play One Round.”

“all in favor of banning this one from game night, say aye.” Red grumbles from his seat on the couch.

There is a nearly unanimous chorus of “aye” from the group, the only exception being Sans who had somehow managed to fall back asleep standing up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “SOMEONE ELSE HAS TO CHOOSE THE GAME NEXT TIME.”
> 
> “i have a few ideas.”
> 
> “Nobody Wants To Spend Their Time Playing Beer Pong Ash-Trash.”
> 
> “...never mind then...”
> 
> “i think i’ve got an idea if yer all willing to put in some time outside of our meet ups.”
> 
> “WHAT KIND IF GAME IS THAT?”
> 
> “tabletop rpg’s.”


	3. Critical

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m apparently a terrible liar, this chapter was a couple thousand words. Sorry if anyone seems OOC or kinda forgotten in this one, it was a lot tougher to write/control than I thought it’d be.
> 
> Wizards of the Coast owns D&D and all the related materials mentioned throughout.

The shed was dark, the only light source the dying sunlight filtering in through a dusty window. Two red pinpricks wink into existence in the shadows, their gaze drawn to a figure seated at the opposite side of the small building.

“Start Talking Scum, Or Else...”  
Edge glares down at the man in front of him. The man’s face is bloodied, his arms and legs bound to the chair in which he is seated. 

The man laughs darkly, a wicked grin stretching across his face. “I’ll never talk, our work is much more important than my own life!”

“Then I Guess It Wouldn’t Matter If I Killed You Now Would It?” Edge growls, his arm reeling back and the edge of his weapon glowing a faint red.

—————-

“WAIT! YOU CAN’T JUST KILL HIM! THERE HAS TO BE A RULE ABOUT THAT SOMEWHERE, RIGHT RED?”

Papers, pens, dice and figurines litter Sans and Papyrus’ normally tidy table, extra chairs pulled up to accommodate three extra pairs of brothers as they all look to Red for an answer. 

Red shrugs from behind his screen of binders. “he’d have to hit him with an attack, but that wouldn’t be too hard considering the guy’s restrained, so he gets advantage on the roll.”

“BUT I’M SURE THAT IF WE JUST ASKED HIM NICELY INSTEAD OF THREATENING WITH VIOLENCE THAT HE WOULD COME AROUND!” Papyrus insists.

“PAPYRUS IS RIGHT! THERE IS NO REASON THAT HE CANNOT STILL CHANGE HIS MIND TO BE GOOD.” Blue chimed in.

“i don’t think that’s how this works guys.” Slim mumbles.

“they could try to persuade him, but he’s a fanatic so it’ll be pretty difficult.”

“I WILL TRY THAT THEN!” Papyrus shouts.

—————-

Papyrus catches Edge’s arm in one hand before striding forward in gleaming paladin armor. “HUMAN! I KNOW THAT YOU THINK THAT YOU ARE DOING WHAT IS RIGHT IN THIS, BUT MANY INNOCENTS WILL BE HURT IF THIS PLAN SUCCEEDS. THERE IS ALWAYS ANOTHER SOLUTION THAT DOESN’T REQUIRE THE LOSS OF LIVES, YOU JUST HAVE TO GIVE IT A CHANCE!”

—————

“wow, nice. now ya gotta roll for it. since this guys kinda crazy devoted, you’re gonna have disadvantage.”

Papyrus rolls, casting a brief glance to his character sheet before grimacing. “UMMM... A 12?”

“not bad, lemme roll for this guy really quick.” There is the quiet sound of dice rolling before Red’s eyes go wide. “holy shit.”

—————

The man looks up at Papyrus, his gaze conflicted. After a moment’s hesitation, he speaks, remorse clear in his voice. “You’re right. We had so many chances to do this the right way, but we had to listen to that gods-damned demon. I’ll tell you what you want to know.”

—————

“you’re so cool bro.”

“WHY, THANK YOU SANS.”

“Are You Kidding Me? It Was That Easy To Make Him Give Up The Whole Plan?” Edge snarls, glaring at Red.

“he rolled a natural fucking one to combat papyrus’ persuasion roll. not a whole lot i can do about that.”

“WELL, NOW THAT WE HAVE A CHANCE TO GET SOME ANSWERS WE MIGHT AS WELL CAPITALIZE ON IT!” Razz yells from the far side of the table.

————

“TELL US WHERE YOUR LEADER IS AND HOW TO STOP THIS RITUAL.”

The man nods morosely, his head bowed. “They have a base in the ruined cathedral at the far edge of town, they plan to enact the ritual at nightfall. If you want to stop it, you’ll have to destroy both the summoning circle and the relic to make sure they can’t try again.”

“GOOD, WE HAVE WHAT WE NEED. LET’S END THIS BEFORE IT BECOMES A REAL THREAT.” Razz turns on a heel, exiting the shed without another word, Slim following close after. Edge gives the bound man one last glare before leaving as well.

Papyrus stops just at the door frame.

————-

“CAN I UNTIE HIM SO THAT HE CAN COME WITH AND ASSIST US?”

“uh bro, he’s kind of a part of the cult that’s trying to kill everybody.”

“YES, BUT HE TOLD US HOW TO DEFEAT THEM! MAYBE HE HAS CHANGED HIS MIND AND WILL BECOME OUR ALLY!”

“He Will Stab Us In The Back The Moment We Let Him Out!”

“kinda wanna agree with the edgelord on this one rus, this guy’s kind of a loose cannon.”

“NONESENSE! I’M CERTAIN THAT EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE!”

“is anyone going to actually stop him?” Red asks.

The members of the party cast furtive glances at each other, each expecting the other to speak up. After a moment of silence, Red shrugs.

“ok, guess yer letting this guy go. congratulations rus, you’ve gained a follower.”

“YES!” 

“Let’s Just Get To The Evil Base To Stop Their Plan Already.”

————

The party races to the burned-out cathedral, former prisoner in tow. The walls of the building are blackened with old scorch marks and crumbling away in places. Dim torchlight can be seen from the outside.

————

“how are you guys gonna get inside?”

“THE FRONT DOOR?” Papyrus suggests hesitantly.

“I AGREE! A FRONTAL ASSAULT IS A GOOD CHOICE FOR DEALING WITH A LARGE GROUP LIKE THIS SEEING AS WE DON’T HAVE ENOUGH PEOPLE TO TRULY SURROUND THEM. A BLITZ ATTACK WHEN THEY DON’T EXPECT US IS OUR BEST BET.” Razz states confidently.

“hey red, how broken down does this building look?”

“uh, really bad? i mean, the place was abandoned for a reason, the whole place looks like it’s about ready to fall in on itself and there are holes in the roof.”

“can i try to parkour myself up there to see if i can take a look inside?”

“sure, gonna need an acrobatics roll.”

Sans gives a quick look to his character sheet. “twenty one.”

“damn. yeah ya make it up there with no problem. roof’s a little crumbly, but it holds yer weight okay. perception check to look in.”

“oof, less good. eleven.”

—————

Through the crumbling hole in the roof, Sans sees a scene ripped right out of a horror movie. Cultists garbed in dark robes surround an ominous circle drawn in what appears to be blood. A shadowy figure holding a grotesque idol stands in the middle, uttering a chant.

———-

“do ya have abyssal as one of yer languages?”

“uh, no”

“i don’t think any of us do.” Stretch notes.

“then it all sounds like spooky nonsense to ya.”

“Excellent, We Know They’re Inside And They Are Distracted. Let’s Move In Now!”

“hold up,” Stretch interjects, raising a hand. “lets see if our inside guy knows anything about this, we could be walking right into a trap.”

Red nods. “lemme roll an intelligence check for this guy to see what he remembers.” More sounds of dice rolling. “what the actual fuck!” Red yells.

————

Just as Edge is about to charge for the door, he is stopped by a hand on his arm. “Wait! If the ritual has already started there will be warding sigils placed on the doors, they will set off an alarm that will alert everyone inside!”

Edge shakes off the man’s grip and glares at him. “Why Did You Say Nothing Of This Earlier?” 

————-

“cause he didn’t roll a natural goddamn twenty on his intelligence check before now.” Red growls under his breath. 

That drew a laugh from the whole table and Red narrowed his eyes at them all. 

“yeah, laugh it up while you can, you still have to figure out how to get past them.” 

“DOES MY FRIEND KNOW?” Papyrus inquired.

“yeah, but he says it’d be easier to find an alternate route. the chant to get through the door takes a long time and the people inside would likely hear it anyway.” 

“i’ll just drop you guys a line then.” Sans says with a wink.

———-

Sans ties off the rope to an outcrop on the building and tosses it down to the rest of the party, allowing easy access to the roof.

———

“LET’S JUST GET TO THE ACTUAL FIGHT ALREADY!” Razz screeches.

“i’ll just toss the rope down the hole in the roof so we can slide down and go to town on these guys.”

“ok, ya got the drop on them so you get a surprise round. roll initiative.”

A brief minute of rolls and groaning later...

———

Sans drops first, immediately attempting to strike the nearest cultist. His first strike from his quarterstaff hits the cultist square in the jaw, knocking him out instantly. He then follows up with a kick to the next nearest one who goes to join his comrade in dreamland.

———

“WAIT WHAT? HOW THE HELL DID HE DO THAT?!”

“sans got some seriously messed up stats. the only two good numbers he got were like, maxed out and all the rest were negative. one good damage roll’s all he needs with squishy cultists like these.”

“How Does He Get Two Attacks?”

“monk class for the win.” Sans says with a sedate smile on his face.

“don’t worry razzmatazz, there’s still like ten more of those guys to squish, not to mention the demon.” Stretch shrugs.

————

Blue stays at up top and out of the way as he casts his spell.

“HEY, SHADOWY DEMON THING!”

It turns to look at Blue, it’s fangs glistening and it’s eyes burning with rage at the intrusion upon his ceremony.

“YOU SHALL NEVER BE AS COOL AS I, THE MAGNIFICENT BLUE!”

———-

“that’s not a spell.” Slim states quietly.

“it’s a class-exclusive spell for bards called vicious mockery where you just insult your opponent to do damage. what’s the save?”

“UM... WISDOM, DC 13.”

———

The demon roars at Blue, a voice piercing through his mind as it does. “Foolish mortal! Your pitiful magic will have no effect on a powerful being such as I! Tremble before me!”

————

“nice try blue.” Slim pipes up, patting Blue’s head gently.

“AW, I REALLY WANTED THAT TO WORK...” Blue pouts.

———-

Edge falls next, landing next to a pair of cultists. “You Shall Burn For What You Have Done.” He growls as he swings at the first one, green flames licking across his blade. The cultist stumbles backwards just out of reach of the longsword, taking no damage.

————

“Damnit!” Edge shouts, banging a fist on the table.

———-

Razz drops from the rope and runs straight at the demon. “I’LL HAVE YOUR PATHETIC HEAD YOU BASTARD!” Razz takes a swing at the demon with his halberd, the blade phasing through it’s body as it becomes an intangible shadow. It lets out a growling laugh in Razz’s face.

———-

“MOTHERFUCKER!”

————-

Papyrus drops, running to aid his ally and flanks the demon. He swings with his blade and lands a mighty blow through the beast’s chest. It phases through the blade and turns to face him. “If you think you can kill me with that pathetic weapon, then you are truly stupid you impudent mortal!”

————-

“that sounds bad for us.” Slim remarks.

————-

The party’s prisoner drops after Papyrus, keeping clear of the fighting. “Don’t listen to it! It can be killed, you just have to keep going!”

———-

“welp, that’s encouraging at least. think i’m up next.”

———-

Stretch stays on the roof and draws his longbow, taking aim for a cultist to Papyrus’ back. The arrow flies true, lodging in the cultist’s shoulder as they let out a shriek of pain.

———

“Finally A Hit.”

“wow, what am i chopped liver?”

“DON’T BE SILLY SANS. YOU’RE A SKELETON.”

“heh, nice one.”

————

Slim drops and runs to Razz, chanting a prayer to his god. Holy light envelops Edge, Papyrus and Razz as they gain divine blessings.

————-

“you guys get bonuses to attacks and saves now.” Slim mutters

“Thank God.”

“eyyyyyyy.” 

“BAD SANS!”

“alright, that’s top of the order.”

————

Sans runs at the cultists closing in on Papyrus and swings at the first one with his quarterstaff. The cultists ducks out of the way just in time to avoid a devastating blow but the wounded one is not so lucky; a follow-up blow from Sans’ fist is enough to drop him.

———-

“you can break up attacks like that?” Stretch asks.

“as long as the second target is within range.” Red shrugs.

————

Blue sees how dangerous the demon is, their attacks seemingly meaningless before it’s might. He takes aim at the demon and cultists, attempting to hinder them and playing a song with a haunting tune.

——-

“THEY MUST MAKE A CHARISMA SAVE DC 13 OR BE BANED FOR THE DURATION.”

Red nods and rolls a few dice. “the demon passed, so it’s just the two cultists taking the debuff.”

“I CAN ACCEPT THIS RESULT.”

“jeez, guess there’s a reason people don’t mess with demons.” Stretch groans

———

Edge calls upon his patron’s influence as he prepares an attack, his hand outstretched towards a cultist as he unleashes a ball of light. The cultist screams as he is blasted back into the wall.

————-

“he’s outta there.” Stretch announces.

————

Razz glares at the demon, “YOU DARE TO TURN YOUR BACK ON ME?” He swings once more with his halberd and the demon dodges nimbly to the side.

————-

“GODDAMNIT!”

“aaaand now it’s his turn.” Red snickers.

———-

“I grow tired of this game.” The demon says, rearing back to slash at Razz, it’s claws phasing through his armor as if it did’t exist. 

———

“i’ll use my reaction to impose disadvantage on that hit.” Slim says

“right, i forgot about that skill.” Red says as he moves to re-roll the dice.

“GOOD IDEA SLIM!” Blue yells.

“18 and 15 both hit you right razz?”

“MY AC IS 15, SO YES.” Razz growls, his teeth grinding audibly.

“oof, razz takes ten psychic damage.”

“ARE YOU KIDDING? THAT’S MORE THAN HALF MY HEALTH!”

“holy shit guys, don’t get hit i guess.” Sans whistles.

————-

“RAZZ!” Papyrus shouts as he sidesteps the demon, placing a hand on Razz’s shoulder. Razz can feel vitality flowing back into him.

————-

“RAZZ GETS BACK 3 HP.” Papyrus announces cheerfully.

“I APPRECIATE YOUR ASSISTANCE.” Razz grumbles from where he sits with his arms crossed.

———-

Stretch lines up another shot at the cultist nearest Edge, dealing a significant amount of damage but missing the killing blow.

——-

“damn, i keep rolling low for damage.”

“and now it’s the cultists’ turns” Red announces.

————-

Three of them attack Sans, seeing him as the biggest threat, but their blades find no target as they swing wildly.

Two cultists attack Edge, one managing to score a blow.

Razz takes an attack from one cultist that manages to deal damage.

Slim is attacked by two cultists and barely manages to avoid being hit.

Papyrus is attacked by one cultist that strikes him.

Their ally is attacked by one of his former friends and also takes a blow.

———

“boss is taking 5, razz is getting four, former cultist gets 3 and papyrus is taking 6.”

“THERE ARE WAY TOO MANY OF THESE GUYS!” Blue shouts. 

“WE’RE GOING TO BE ANNIHILATED BEFORE WE EVEN COME CLOSE TO KILLING THAT DEMON!” Razz screeched.

————

Slim sees his allies struggle to survive in the bloody melee and looks to the demon, deciding that the best way to kill a snake is to cut off it’s head.

———-

“WAIT WHAT THE HELL? CLERICS CAN ATTACK?” Razz interrupts.

“slim can.” Red replies, “now let’s see if you can hit it.”

———-

White light gathers between Slim’s palms as he chants a prayer, the demon visibly recoils, a haze of fear peeking through it’s cocky grin. The bolt of white strikes true and the demon staggers from the blow.

———-

“that’s 13 damage and the next attack has advantage.” Slim states, seeming proud of his move.

“nice one slim!” Sans cheers, giving Slim a high five.

“thanks, but i don’t have any more spells to do it again.” Slim adds dejectedly.

“actually it’s more damage than that because the demon’s weak to radiant damage.” Red huffs. “alright, top of the order again.”

————

Sans swings at the cultists around him hoping for a serious blow against the horde. One hit from his quarterstaff and one from his fist is enough to send one sprawling.

———-

“hope someone can take that free shot against the demon.”

“I HAVE A PLAN TO HELP WITH THAT!” Blue says excitedly.

———-

Blue throws a fine powder over the crowd around his allies and plays an enchanting melody. The cultist begins to get drowsy upon hearing his music and two drop off to sleep where they stand.

———

“MWEHEHE! THE MAGNIFICENT BLUE’S PLAN HAS SUCCEEDED BRILLIANTLY!”

“I Think I Will Use This To My Advantage.”

“heh, nice one boss.”

———-

Edge swings for the downed cultist, green flames dancing along the edge once more. The blade slices cleanly through the cultist’s chest and he wakes with a gurgling screech as the flames leap from Edge’s blade towards the next nearest cultist, setting his robes ablaze.

————

“that was badass edgelord.” Stretch compliments.

“We’re Nowhere Near Out Of The Woods Yet.”

“razz, yer up.”

“I’M GOING TO USE THIS TURN TO HEAL, UNFORTUNATELY I CAN’T TAKE A SHOT AT THIS ABSOLUTE BASTARD OF A DEMON.” Razz admits ruefully. “I HEAL FOR 6 HP.”

“ok, demon’s up then.”

———-

The demon is still reeling from the blast of light that had hit him and turns to glare at Slim. He rakes his claws down Slim’s back shrieking “You would dare to stand before me with your pitiful magics mortal? I shall show you what true power is!”

Slim falls prone as the demons gaze turns to the rest of the party.

“Who’s next?” It growls.

———-

“OH NO SLIM!” 

“MUTT! GET BACK UP NOW!”

“shit buddy, you were doing so well too.”

————

Papyrus rushes to Slim’s side, narrowly dodging a blow from the cultist engaged with him. He reaches out a hand and heals Slim.

————

“SLIM YOU HAVE 2 HP BACK NOW, I WOULD SUGGEST BEING CAREFUL!”

“thanks papyrus.”

“well, if no one else is using that free shot...”

———-

Stretch switches his target to the demon who is glowing faintly still from Slim’s attack. He pulls back his bow and shoots, striking his target in the eye for a critical shot!

————-

“EXCELLENT SHOT PAPY!” Blue shouts, grabbing his brother in a crushing hug.

“yeah, 14 damage is nothing to sniff at, even if it gets halved.” Sans agrees.

“unfortunately those nasty cultists ‘re up again.” Red smirks.

———

Sans is attacked by two cultists who both manage to land blows.

Edge gets hit by the one cultist he didn’t manage to kill.

Two cultists swing at Razz, but he only takes a hit from one.

Papyrus barely manages to block hits from two cultists.

———

“that’s nine total to Sans, four to boss, and two to razz.”

“things are looking a little *grim* i think.”

“NONE OF YOUR AWFUL PUNS SANS, THIS IS TRULY A DIRE SITUATION!”

“alright, slim you’re up.”

“i will just give m’lord guidance.”

“WHAT THE HELL DO I NEED YOUR GUIDANCE WITH MUTT?”

“he means the spell dumbass. bless dropped so he’s trying to boost your stats again.”

“OH.”

“yeah, oh. alright, top of the list again.”

————-

Sans staggers under his wounds before righting himself and jabbing one of the cultists in the head, knocking them out with his staff before following up with a second attack that knocks the other cultist off balance.

———-

“shit sans, how many is that now?” 

“dunno, but it won’t matter much unless we manage to live through this next round.”

“true.”

———

Blue screams at the demon from his perch on the roof, “IT SEEMS THAT WE MORTALS ARE MORE THAN A MATCH FOR YOU!” Blue nudges his brother next to him. “HEY PAPY, WHAT’S THE EASIEST WAY TO KILL A DEMON?” 

Stretch shrugs, his concentration on the enemy broken.

“YOU PUSH THEM OFF THEIR EGOS AND LET THEM FALL THE THEIR IQ!”

The demon roars in rage, turning it’s attention away from it’s target.

———-

The whole table let’s out a chorus of “ohhhhh” as they tried to reign in their laughter.

Eventually Red is able to speak again, “that gets double damage for making me laugh so hard.” He manages to wheeze out.

“AND IT GETS DISADVANTAGE ON IT’S NEXT ATTACK!”

———

Edge points his blade at the cultist nearest him, invoking his pact to draw a curse down upon him. Green flames once again dance along the blade as he goes to strike. He beheads the cultist in a single strike and flames jump to another cultist who perishes in the flames.

——-

“oh nice, two for one.”

“And I Heal For Four HP.”

“bad ass.”

———

Razz swings for the demon once more, a determined fire in his eyes, but the demon phases through the blade once more.

———-

“YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!”

———

The demon lunges for Papyrus, it’s claws outstretched and rakes them across Papyrus’ shoulder

——

“I’M DOWN!”

“shit, there goes the neighborhood.” 

“need a death save papyrus.”

“...SEVEN...”

“that’s one failure. two more and yer dead for good.”

————

Papyrus’ follower, seeing him fall, rushes to his aid and attempts to shove one of the cultists nearest his fallen friend. The cultist is knocked prone by his shove, sending him sprawling.

———-

“nice one guy-we-almost-didn’t-not-kill.” Stretch said approvingly.

“We Really Need A Name For Him.”

———

Invigorated by the fight’s ending in sight, Stretch sends an arrow flying into one cultist’s chest, killing him instantly.

———

“NOT HALF BAD ASHTRAY.”

“cultists again.” 

———

One cultist attacks Sans and misses.

One attacks the party’s ally and hits.

One attacks Slim and misses.

———

“yer whittling them down guys, slowly but surely. slim, yer up.”

———

Slim looks to his fallen friend and channels his holy magic, divine mercy allowing his friend to escape death and stabilize.”

———

“hey nice job slim, now paps is in stab-le condition.”

“EVEN YOU HAVE TO ADMIT THAT ONE WAS AWFUL SANS.”

“aw c’mon, you’re smiling.”

“I AM AND I REALLY DO HATE IT.”

“alright, top of the order again.”

————

Sans breaks away from the cultist and attacks the demon, hoping to draw it’s attention away from the other party members. The cultist swings at him as he passes by but misses by a mile. A quick quarterstaff swing followed by a unarmed strike manage to cause the demon some damage.

———-

“c’mon, finish him off guys!”

———-

Blue shouts insults at the demon, though it appears to be ignoring him in favor if another threat for now, then he plays and inspiring melody for Edge.

“I BELIEVE IN YOU EDGE!”

———

“I Feel Very Inspired Blueberry.” Edge deadpans.

“YOU ARE VERY WELCOME!”

————

Edge, still inspired by Blue’s song levels a shot of rippling light at the demon. “Have Fun In Hell!” Edge yells before loosing the blast of energy at the demon and ripping it’s shadowy form to shreds.

—— 

The entire table erupts into cheers as Red announces the demon’s demise. 

“holy shit, we almost died so many times...” Stretch groans, leaning back in his chair tiredly.

“EDGE GETS THE BOSS’S DEFEAT, BUT I THINK SANS HAD HIGHEST KILL COUNT.” Razz notes grumpily, “AND I DIDN’T EVEN GET EVEN A SINGLE MINION.”

“not like there weren’t plenty of them to swing at razz, you just seemed a little... hyper-focused.” Stretch notes.

“honestly boss, i was surprised ya didn’t use that one spell to just get all those cultists at once. it would have made the whole thing a lot easier.” Red adds as he shuffles through more papers.

“What One Spell?” Edge asks, peering distractedly at his character sheet.

“the arms of something or other, it’s one of the only like, two spells ya have.” Red says disbelievingly.

“Oh My God I Forgot I Had That!” Edge screeches. “And It Would Have Been Perfect For This Kind Of Combat!”

“MAYBE NEXT TIME EDGY-ME.” Papyrus says soothingly, patting Edge lightly on the back.

“alright, so with the demon’s defeat, the rest of the cultists either flee or surrender, giving you guys plenty of time and opportunity to destroy the circle and the relic your guy mentioned. anybody wanna look around for loot?” Several nods from various party members.

“investigation checks for everyone except papyrus ‘cause yer technically still unconscious even if you’re stable.”

“DARN!”

“15!” (Blue)

“21.” (Edge)

“12.” (Slim)

“also 12.” (Sans)

“BUT YOU ROLLED A 13?” Papyrus points out.

“remember what Red said? negatives in eeevrything else.” Sans chuckles.

“8...” Razz growls.

Suddenly Stretch drops his head with a ‘thud’ that shakes the table. “...natural one.” He says, his voice muffled.

“welp, stretch falls off the rope trying to climb down and investigate, take 6 falling damage.”

“ouch.”

“does he make a stretch-shaped indent in the floor like a cartoon?” Sans asks jokingly.

There is silence, then another roll from Red. 

“yes.”

The table breaks into laughter once more as Blue attempts to console his brother.

“ha ha. yeah, you laugh now, but just be prepared for when you crit fail and i have the last laugh.” Stretch mumbles bitterly.

“alright, alright. so between blue, slim, sans and razz you manage to find about 150 gold’s worth of both money and tradable goods along with all the cultist’s weapons. boss on the other hand...” Red trails off, flipping a page in an unseen book. “manages to find a hidden alcove that appears to have been undisturbed since about when this place burned down. inside you find a small deck of cards.”

“Why Would Someone Bother To Hide A Deck Of Cards?”

Red only shrugs.

“Do The Cards Appear Special In Any Way?”

“arcana check.”

“Natural Twenty.” Edge says smugly.

“yeah, you know what these are and as soon as you realize it you almost drop the cards. you have just found a deck of many things, one of the rare complete sets that is known to sow magical chaos in the world. the cards that you draw can have both extremely good and bad effects, including but not limited to: wish spells, gaining levels, planar banishment and alignment shifts.”

“THAT SOUNDS EXTREMELY DANGEROUS RED!” Blue notes worriedly.

“s’why ya gotta be careful with these things. ‘cause boss got a nat 20 though, he gets to take a quick peek at the list to see if he wants to risk it.”

Edge peers at the list Red indicates, his brows furrowing as he reads the many possible outcomes. “Not A Chance. This Is Much Too Dangerous To Be Fooling Around With.”

“IT CAN’T BE THAT BAD.” Papyrus states.

“It Is.”

“I WOULD RATHER NOT DIE A HORRIBLE STUPID DEATH AFTER ALL OF THAT RIDICULOUSNESS WE JUST WENT THROUGH.” Razz huffs

“BUT RED SAID WE CAN GAIN LEVELS IF WE GET THE RIGHT CARDS RIGHT? ISN’T THAT AT LEAST KIND OF WORTH THE RISK?” Blue asks.

“i dunno bro, if it’s got the edgelord worried it’s probably best not to mess with it.”

“BUT PAPYYY...” Blue pouts, but Stretch only shrugs. He then turns his puppy dog eyes to Edge, who quickly crumbles under his gaze.

“Fine. Try If You’d Like, But I Will Not Be Held Responsible For The Outcome.”

Blue cheers before looking to Red. “ALRIGHT, SO HOW DOES THIS WORK?”

Red pulls out a small stack of ordinary-looking playing cards and hands them to Blue. “just announce how many cards yer gonna draw and then pick them from the deck however ya’d like.”

Blue thinks for a momet before saying, “EVERYONE IS VERY WORRIED BY THIS, SO I THINK I WILL PLAY IT SAFE AND ONLY PICK TWO.”

The whole table holds their breath as Blue draws his first card.

“THE FIRST ONE IS THE ACE OF SPADES!” Blue announces, showing off the card to Red.

—————

Blue suddenly disappears, leaving nothing behind but the items he carried with him.

————-

“oof, ya got donjon blue. ya disappear from the room, trapped in a state of suspended animation in an extra-dimensional sphere. everything ya have is left behind in the place ya were standing when ya vanished. ya can’t be located by divination magic but a wish spell can tell where ya are. ya draw no more cards.”

Edge immediately facepalms. “This Is Exactly What I Was Worried About.”

“wait, then how do we get him back!?” Stretch panicks.

“ya could draw and hope ya get a wish spell or something. other than that there’s not much ya can do.”

“i’m drawing then!”

“No! We’re Going To End Up Losing Our Whole Party This Way!”

“how many cards stretch?”

“five!”

Edge growls in frustration, his warnings falling on deaf ears.

“first card is ace of hearts.”

Red looks at the list and laughs, “holy shit, ya got it in one!” ya drew the card fates that allows ya to erase one event in time as if it never happened.”

“alright then erase blue drawing the cards.”

_______

As Stretch draws the card, a faint glow emanating from it. A ray of divine light shines down upon Blue’s discarded items and he reappears is a flash of gold.

———-

“boom, blue’s back.”

“well that’s both convenient and overpowered.” Sans comments.

“THANK YOU SO MUCH BROTHER!” Blue yells, grabbing Stretch in a tight hug.

“alright, now ya’ve got an hour in-game to draw the rest of yer announced cards or they’ll all fly out and activate at once.”

“i can’t just not take any more?”

“ya announced 5.”

“well shit.”

“You Are A Complete Idiot.”

“might as well get it over with then. next up is jack of hearts.”

————

A swirling mist appears next to Stretch, thick coiling clouds wisping away to reveal what appears to be a knight in gleaming armor. Their gaze lands on Stretch and they kneel, bowing their head towards him. “My leige, the fates have drawn me to you upon this gracious day. I am your humble servant to use however you see fit.”

————

“ya have gained the service of a fourth level fighter who appears in a space near ya. they are loyal to ya and are of the same race, they believe that the fates have drawn them to ya and will serve faithfully. ya get to control this character.”

“well damn, that’s nice. next card is....” Stretch looks disbelievingly at the card in his hand. “oh god damnit.”

—————

Stretch suddenly disappears, leaving nothing behind but the items he carried with him.

————-

“donjon. again?”

“NOW WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?” Blue panics.

“I’M CERTAINLY NOT DRAWING.” Razz states unashamedly.

“i mean, technically he’s still got that level four fighter that he controls. maybe it would be best to just leave it at that?” Sans suggests.

“you do get to build his stats yourself.” Red comments.

“alright, fine. but only if i get to make his new life’s mission to find wherever the hell i ended up.” Stretch relents.

“Over All A General Gain For The Party, I Must Say That I Am Surprised.” Edge says thoughtfully.

“now that we’re done dicking around with the dangerous magical item, it’s wrap up time.” 

————

The townsfolk laud the party as heroes as they announce their victory over the cult and invite them to stay for the autumn harvest festival to partake in the feasting and merriment. After a night of good food, dancing and high spirits the party departs back to the city where they receive the reward for their quest and are encouraged to rest after their harrowing journey.

————

“and that’s where we’re gonna end the story for now.” Red concludes.

“THAT WAS A LOT OF FUN RED, WE SHOULD TRY DOING THIS AGAIN SOMETIME!” Papyrus announces cheerfully.

“Well We Do Meet Up Here Almost Weekly At This Point, We Might As Well Consider Making This At Least A Somewhat Regular Occurrence.” 

“WELL, IT CERTAINLY IS BETTER THAN WHEN WE LET SANS PICK THE GAME.” Razz states, sending a dirty look towards the skeleton in question.

Sans’ only response is a sly grin and eyebrow(?) wiggle, which only serves to further infuriate Razz.

“ANYWAYS!” Blue interjects, hoping to quell the fight already brewing. “THERE SEEMS TO BE NO OBJECTIONS, SO I DON’T SEE WHY WE SHOULDN’T CONTINUE THIS AT SOME POINT.”

“cool. i’ll see about looking into a proper campaign then, so we’ll have something for next time.” Red notes, beginning to gather his papers and notes.

“CAN WE FIGHT DRAGONS NEXT TIME?!” Blue asks excitedly, stars shining in his sockets.

“iiii think those are still a little out of yer league at level one.”

“what about a level four?” Slim asks with a brief glance at Stretch.

“i mean, all of ya against one really young dragon maybe.”

“I Think We Should Just Let Red Decide What Would Be Both Level-Appropriate And Entertaining For The Next Session.” Edge notes, beginning to help pack away all of the game components.

“FINE...” Blue pouts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you who are curious, I made character sheets and did the rolls for everything in this campaign, mostly ‘cause my group has been unavailable for nearly 3 weeks now and I was going through D&D withdrawl. X(
> 
> Always love to get critiques on my work and as of now I’d love to hear other game suggestions or prompts for the bros for me to try out since that seems to be becoming this work’s theme. XD


	4. Going to Market

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprisingly, this chapter has nothing to do with games of any sort XD Just a little bit that popped into mind about the Swap bros and I figured this was the best place to put it :/ Based on an actual market I used to go to as a kid.

“COME ON PAPYRUS! JUST THIS ONCE!”

Stretch didn’t move from his slumped position on their couch

“nah, im fine right here. you go have fun, i’ll see you when you get back and you can tell me all about it.”

Blue had been going to what the humans called a “farmer’s market” each Saturday for the past few weeks, always coming home with baubles or baked goods to show him. 

“BUT PAPYRUS, THE PEOPLE THERE ARE SO NICE! AND YOU CAN WALK AROUND AND LOOK AT ALL THE FOOD STALLS AND CLOTHES AND ALL SORTS OF THINGS!”

“eh, sounds like a lot of work. i’m not really feelin’ it bro.”

Blue looked at his brother for a moment, his face scrunched up and tears beginning to form at the edges of his sockets.

“A-alright... If you didn’t want to hang out with me you could have just said so...” Blue sniffled, his posture slumping as he turned towards the stairs.

“w-wait, blue thats not what i meant!” Stretch stuttered out, rushing over to his brother, “i’ll go with you if you, ok? it’d probably do a lazybones like me some good to get out of the house anyway.”

Blue turned around and hugged his brother tightly, a huge grin plastered on his face, no trace of his previous tears. “MWHEHEH! YOU WILL NOT REGRET THIS DECISION BROTHER! I, THE MAGNIFICENT SANS, GUARANTEE IT!”  
He yelled before running upstairs with renewed vigor.

Stretch watched his retreating back with a stunned expression before chuckling to himself quietly. “heh, well played bro.”

———-

The farmers market was, in a word, bustling.

Small groups clustered around the stalls as monsters and humans alike examined carved wooden figurines or tasty breads. Even from a distance, the crowd’s murmur was audible, the sound of vendors chatting with each other or explaining their products to passers-by as they lounged away from the oppressive summer sun.

Stretch swore he could almost feel his bones bleaching the longer he stood outside. 

The open air portion had a large awning with electric fans generating a breeze in the otherwise stifling air. The main building appeared to be a large barn that had been converted for it’s current use, people milling about the entrance and leisurely chatting.

“COME ON PAPY! THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS TO SEE AND I WANT TO INTRODUCE YOU TO SOME OF MY FRIENDS!” Blue exclaimed, grabbing onto his brothers arm to drag him along.

“alright bro, sounds good.” Stretch muttered tiredly. How the hell was Blue not affected by this heat?

Blue dragged him to the inside of the barn first, the inside blessedly shady and cool compared to outside. The first person Stretch was dragged to was an elderly human sitting in a plastic chair outside their stall, currently using a rather beautiful blue yarn to knit what appeared to be a blanket of some sort. 

“MISS MEREDITH! IT IS I, THE MAGNIFICENT BLUE HERE TO SEE YOU AGAIN!”

Miss Meredith, as Blue referred to her, looked up from her knitting as Blue’s greeting rang out, a smile creeping over her face.

“Oh, Blue it’s good to see you again. How was your week?”

Stretch peeked around to look at the stall the woman sat behind. Unsurprisingly, the inside of the stall was full of knitted blankets and dolls as well as painted knick-knacks and figurines.

Blue’s chest puffed up proudly as he answered. “MWEHEHEH! MY WEEK HAS BEEN GOING EXCEPTIONALLY MISS MEREDITH! AS YOU CAN SEE, I HAVE FINALLY CONVINCED MY LAZY BROTHER TO ACCOMPANY ME HERE, YOUR PLAN WORKED PERFECTLY!”

Stretch raised a brow at this, “wow, you guys are teaming up to get me outta the house now? that’s just mean. i was _bound_ to give in to your _needling_ eventually blue. i just don’t see the _point_.”

“DO NOT START WITH YOUR PUNS ALREADY! THAT IS NOT THE WAY TO MAKE A GOOD FIRST IMPRESSION!” Blue scolded.

“you’re right bro, guess i’m being pretty _knot-y_.”

“PAPY!” Blue yelled, stomping his foot angrily.

“aww c’mon you’re smiling.”

“I AM AND I HATE IT!”

Meredith’s laughter brought the brothers’ attention back. “Well Blue, I must say he is exactly as you described him.” She said before putting down her knitting and holding out a hand to Stretch. “My name is Meredith, it is rather nice to finally meet you.” 

Stretch returned the handshake, opting to remove his booby trap for now, as this was obviously one of Blue’s good friends here.

“stretch, and likewise.”

“OH, THAT REMINDS ME! DO YOU HAVE THEM IN THIS WEEK?”

“Indeed I did! The second shelf from the right over there.” 

“YES! COME ALONG BROTHER!” Blue cheered, dragging his brother inside of the stall. Stretch looked to his brother in confusion but followed along without protest.

Blue lead him to the shelf in question that was full to bursting with ornaments and figurines, each listed with a description and price attached. Most of the things there were pretty cute, tiny soldier dolls, painted rabbits and trees, most of the stuff was definitely meant for kids. 

“OH! HERE THEY ARE, LOOK AT THESE!”

Stretch felt his jaw drop. Sitting in a small faux nest basket was a clutch of eggs with black splotches; “Cow Eggs” was written on their label in neat script. Stretch could already hear the groans of soon-to-be prank victims as he began to look for a price tag. 

Blue, reading the absolute joy written across his face struck a pose. “MWEHEHE! YOU SEE? I KNEW YOU’D LOVE IT HERE! YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO ME MORE OFTEN!”

Stretch looked to his brother with reverence. “you’re so cool bro.”

Blue picked up the little nest of eggs and walked back out to Meredith.

“MISS MEREDITH, MY BROTHER WOULD LIKE TO KNOW HOW MUCH FOR THESE?”

When their goods were paid for and wrapped up, the brothers said their goodbyes and continued on through the barn. Blue was apparently popular with many vendors there, often being called over by name to start up conversations and browse wares. By the time they made it to the other side of the building it was well past noon. Both brothers were now carrying several bags and Stretch honestly felt excited about his purchases.

“ALRIGHT BROTHER, NOW IS TIME TO BREAK FOR LUNCH!” Blue said dramatically, motioning to the new set of stalls before them.

Like the stalls out front there was a shaded awning that stretched out before them, but unlike the stalls out front, this place seemed to be dedicated to food vendors. What areas weren’t being taken up by an expansive array of vegetables, fruits, eggs and grains were home to food trucks, drinks and baked goods that would put Muffet to shame. Stretch looked on concerned as his brother eyed the stall roasting fresh green chilies; smell alone would probably have him going for water before he even got to read the menu.

“I KNOW THAT YOU DON’T LIKE SPICY THINGS MUCH, SO WHILE I AM GONE GETTING MY FOOD, I TRUST YOU TO GET A LUNCH THAT DOES NOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF PASTRIES! UNDERSTOOD?”

“aw bro that’s real _sweet_ of you to think of me. i’ll be sure to keep that in mind.”

“AUGH! ENOUGH WITH YOUR INFERNAL PUNS! I AM LEAVING BEFORE I HAVE TO HEAR ANY MORE!” Blue yelled before storming off towards the chili stall.

Stretch began to meander through the various stalls, asking questions about things that interested him or were entirely new. It had been hard to pass up some of the pastries he passed, but imagining Blue’s reaction to his choices stayed his hand. At least, mostly...

He was heading towards a set of picnic tables with his food when he saw it. 

The table was full of multicolored cups with what looked like straws sticking out of them, the table decorated with flowers and amber-colored jars. 

“Hello there!” The woman behind the table greeted. 

“uh, hi.” Stretch greeted awkwardly. “sorry if this sounds weird, but what exactly is this?” He asked, gesturing to the table with one hand.

“Oh! Well my family have been beekeepers for years now and we specialize in flavored honeys. We currently have a large range of flavors that we sell in either these sticks,” She gestures to the colored straws Stretch had noticed, “or in jars.” 

When Stretch looked closer, he saw that all of the ‘straws’ were actually small plastic sticks filled with honey in various shades and colors. 

“We sell the sticks 33 cents apiece or 4 for a dollar if you would like to try some.”

Stretch looked to her in awe before directing his gaze to the multitude before him. Blueberry, strawberry, cola, root beer, mint! He said a silent apology to his brother as he looked over the bounty before him.

—————-

Blue clutched his plate of tamales closely as he scanned the picnic area for his brother. It really was a shame that Stretch couldn’t handle spicy foods, most of the stalls here only sold things that were spicy one way or another, he hoped his brother had actually managed to find something he liked rather than just falling back to sweets. When Blue finally noticed Stretch sitting at the edge of the picnic area, he rushed over to meet him.

“DID YOU FIND SOMETHING YOU LIKED?” Blue asked as he too the seat across from his brother.

“oh hey blue. yeah i found some pretty good stuff.” 

“THAT LOOKS LIKE MISTER RILER’S CEVICHE! IT’S PRETTY GOOD RIGHT?”

“yeah, but that’s not all i found.” Stretch said with an eyebrow wiggle that had Blue concerned. 

He then proceeded to pull handful after handful of honey sticks out of his pockets, laying them out on the table. Blue stared at Stretch over the veritable mountain of honey in front of him.

“PAPY, IF YOU EAT ALL OF THESE YOU WILL GET SICK!” 

“nah, these aren’t for today. this’s just to tide me over until next week.”

Blue’s eyes widened at the implications of his brother’s words. “YOU MEAN YOU’RE COMING BACK?!” He could barely contain his joy and his eyelights shifted to stars as he looked at his brother.

“yep, this place is pretty cool after all. besides, how else will i refill my supply of variously flavored honeys?” Stretch winked, a genuine grin crossing his face.

Blue chose to ignore his brother’s comment in favor of pulling him into a bone-crushing hug.


	5. Critical 2 Electric Boogaloo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had actually meant for this chapter to be finished a long time ago, like, October long ago...*Looks at calendar that says it's now about 7 months late* 😅 😅 😅
> 
> But now I've had time to finish it, yay! So yeah, this takes place around Halloween their time. Please let me know if I made any mistakes, I really appreciate it!

“everyone settled all their character stuff for level 2?”

A chorus of affirmatives rose from the assembled group, all of them dressed in various costumes. It was Blue’s idea to dress up as their characters, saying that it would be something to help them all get in character _and_ celebrate the season all at once. 

Blue was wearing his normal scarf over a tunic he had probably made himself, along with a minstrel hat and a ukulele slung across his back to complete his bard look.

Stretch looked like he was almost wrapped in tinfoil, his torso and arms nearly covered in the crinkled metal save for the areas around his joints. That, along with the obviously child-sized plastic shield and helmet he wore made for a pretty half-assed attempt at a fighter.

Edge’s costume looked suspiciously like his regular armor with a cloak thrown overtop at first, but upon closer inspection it was revealed to be a completely different piece of clothing that he had modified to have the same spikes because he apparently liked the motif. A necklace with a fake crystal and a (probably) fake sword and sheath on his hip easily sold the warlock look.

Papyrus’ costume was less of a costume and more actual armor. Apparently he had let it slip to Undyne that he was planning on modifying his battle-body to look more like regular armor and she had insisted that he just wear a set of hers. Kind as the gesture was, the armor was extremely heavy and cumbersome, to the point that Papyrus had already had to remove some of the more ill-fitting pieces just to be able to move around properly. All in all though, the armor and holy symbol he had made himself made for a very paladin-like appearance. 

Sans’ costume actually looked like it had some effort put into it, wearing a 'gi' made of a ratty-looking bathrobe and matching pants, as well as a large branch that looked as if it had been picked right up off the ground serving as a stand-in for his monk’s quarterstaff.

Slim had gone a similar route to Stretch, but with slightly more skill; covering cardboard in the foil and adding string to serve as straps that would help keep his ‘armor’ from falling off at a moments’ notice (Stretch had already had to scramble to keep his own foil armor from ending up flattened under someone’s foot). That and a holy symbol gifted to him by Papyrus made him look like a decently well put together cleric.

Razz... apparently hadn’t gotten the memo that costumes didn’t need to be exact. The armor and backpack full of adventuring supplies was fine, if a little bit too realistic and over the top, but the _actual working crossbow_ and _freaking polearm_ was a bit too much, even for the more enthusiastic of their group and the bulk of Razz’s weaponry had been confined to the coat closet next to the door. Honestly, it was a good thing they weren’t going outside with these costumes, as their fighter would probably get arrested for the sheer number of deadly weapons he was carrying.

Their Dungeon Master for the evening wore a rather simple black cloak with the hood pulled down so they could barely see the red glow of his eyes, a large plastic scythe leaning casually against the back of his chair as he shuffled a few papers behind his DM screen.

Red cracked his knuckles as he looked over the group assembled before him. “looks like it’s time to start session two then.” He looks down momentarily, the sound of paper’s turning signaling the start of their adventure.

“yer party starts in the same adventurer’s guild tavern as last time, lookin’ for more work...”

———-

Though the party had been rewarded handsomely for their successful quest several weeks ago, rumors had it that a big quest was soon to be making it’s way to the guild and as any good adventurer knew, big quests meant big rewards. The entire tavern had been abuzz with speculations to the mission's nature and there was much prideful boasting about completing the dangerous quest and enjoying the riches that would come to them as a result.

Blue, Razz and Edge brave the throng of eager mercenaries scanning the quest board for new additions.

**Perception checks**

**Razz 5**

**Edge 11**

**Blue 19**

While Razz struggles to peer over the crowd in front of him, Edge and Blue circumvent the worst of the obstructions, scanning the pinned messages for anything of interest. Blue is the first to notice the addition to the board and quickly unpins the message, returning to his allies with Edge and Razz in tow.

“OH BLUE! DID YOU FIND THE QUEST EVERYONE HAS BEEN TALKING ABOUT?” Papyrus asks having noticed the quest flyer he was carrying.

“IT WAS THE ONLY NEW QUEST I NOTICED, SO I GUESS?”

“WELL, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? TELL US WHAT IT SAYS!”

_Adventurers!  
Great danger is present along the southern border, a fearsome encampment of orcs has taken up residence in the area and must be destroyed before they pose a threat to nearby cities. The southern border of our country is among one of the most unchartered parts of the world and as such, great caution should be taken to avoid as much danger as possible. 300 Gold shall be awarded to the party that completes this quest, additional payment available for information on other threats in the area._

“Orcs? That Is The ‘Big Quest’ Everyone Here Has Been Waiting On?” Edge crosses his arms, a disappointed look crossing his face. “After The Last Quest I Had Been Expecting Something Far More Exciting.”

“THE PART ABOUT OTHER THREATS IN THE AREA MAKES ME QUESTION HOW SAFE THIS QUEST IS...” Blue notes nervously.

“We Should Get More Information About The Area, If The Southern Border Really Is Dangerous We Should Know What We’re Walking Into.”

Papyrus nods and turns to his brother, who is sitting at the same table. “BROTHER YOU KNOW SEVERAL PEOPLE AROUND HERE HAVE ANY OF THEM EVER BEEN THERE?” 

————

“...”

“...”

“ya gonna respond anytime soon?” Red asks pointedly.

“i’m asleep.” Sans replies with a cheeky grin.

Papyrus lets out an exasperated sigh.

———-

Papyrus roughly shakes his brother awake before repeating his question once more.

**History Check: 10**

“ehhh not a whole lot of people willing to travel that far, even for a quest. according to the bartender it’s supposed to be pretty _sketchy,_ there hasn’t been an updated map released of the place in a long time.”

Papyrus narrows his eyes at his brother. “I WILL IGNORE THAT FOR NOW.”

“So For The Most Part We Would Be Flying Blind.”

“yep.”

“Fantastic.” Edge sighs sarcastically.

Blue looks to the rest of their group. “SLIM AND... UM...”

———

“WHAT IS YOUR NEW CHARACTER’S NAME AGAIN BROTHER?” Blue asks in a stage whisper.

“uhhhhhhh...”

“ya didn’t name him?” Red asks, his tone half amused, half annoyed.

“i had a lot of stuff to figure out, making a level four from scratch is a lot of work.” Stretch says defensively. “times. his name is times new roman, but he goes by times.”

————

“SLIM AND TIMES, WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS QUEST?”

“it’s kinda risky if we don’t know anything about it, i dunno if it’s such a good idea.” Slim says.

“While this may be true, I do believe that the reward we shall receive for a simple scouting quest is nominal and should be taken into account." Times disagrees.

__________

"i swear, i can already feel my voice getting tired from talking like that." Stretch grumbles. "how the hell've you been doing that this whole time red?"

"by not being a sissy."

"rude."

"WHO CARES ABOUT THAT? WE NEED TO FIGURE OUT WHAT TO DO ABOUT THIS QUEST." Razz snaps.

" _tibia_ fair, the quest only said we had to scout out stuff, we don't actually have to _engage_ anything, so any of the stuff we do fight we can get materials from without interfering with the mission." Sans pipes up again from his side of the table. If it weren't for the fact that he was talking, most of them would assume he was asleep.

The other party members look to each other, considering his words.

"I MEAN, HE'S NOT WRONG..." Blue starts.

"But Either Way We Would Be Expending Materials And Supplies That Could Be Used For More Lucrative Purposes."

"WE COULD ALWAYS PICK UP AN ELIMINATION QUEST HEADING THE SAME WAY, THAT WAY WE COULD COMPLETE ONE ON THE WAY AND TURN THEM BOTH IN UPON OUR RETURN."

\----------

"ARE THERE ANY QUESTS THAT WE COULD COMPLETE ALONG THE WAY?" Papyrus asks Red, who flips through a few pieces of paper before answering.

"blue, razz and boss, intelligence check."

"INTELLIGENCE IN WHAT CATEGORY?"

"just the plain skill and add yer bonus from that with no proficiency."

Blue rolls and cringes. "FIVE."

"SIX."

"Fifteen."

"alrighty, while ya were lookin' at the quest board, boss remembers seeing one going in close to the same direction. some farmers that way had been having some trouble with a big dire wolf and would pay 50 gold for it's defeat."

________

Edge puts one hand to his chin in thought. "There Is Indeed A Quest That We Could Take Going The Same Direction, And The Pay Isn't Terrible For The Feat We Would Have To Accomplish..."

"THAT SETTLES IT THEN! LETS GATHER UP SUPPLIES AND HEAD OUT AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!" Razz shouts, already gathering his equipment and heading out of the bar.

_________

"so yer accepting both quests?" Red asks, the scratch of a pencil could be heard from behind the screen.

"It Would Appear So."

"cool. ya wanna head out now, or d'ya need anything before ya go?"

"A MAP WOULD PROBABLY BE HELPFUL, EVEN IF THEY ARE AS INCOMPLETE AS WE'VE BEEN HEARING." Blue begins listing things off. "WE SHOULD ALSO GATHER EXTRA RATIONS AS WE DON'T KNOW HOW FAR THE JOURNEY WILL TAKE US."

"some general information about the towns along the way would probably be helpful too." Stretch adds.

"there's a general store for rations and stuff nearby that caters to adventurers, so you can find that all no problem, a map's gonna be a bit trickier. is everyone gonna go to the store to restock basic supplies for now?"

There is a general murmur of agreement from the group until Sans perks up suddenly.

"oh hey, can i use this to help us find a map and get info?" He says lifting up his character sheet so Red could see and pointing at a small paragraph of text. Red's eyelights scan the page for a moment before he pulls away with a blink.

"yeah actually, yer contact would probably have a bit of info. ya wanna do that then?"

"worth a shot at least."

___________

Sans turns to Papyrus, handing him some gold. 

"mind grabbing some stuff for me too paps? got something i need to handle."

Papyrus looks at his brother quizzically. "WHAT ARE YOU UP TO BROTHER?"

Sans winks, backing away towards the tavern entrance. "gotta go see a man about a map." 

And with that he disappears out the doors into the open marketplace.

__________

"OH NO! WE'VE SPLIT THE PARTY!" Blue panics.

"eh, he'll be fine." Stretch says offhandedly.

"CAN ANY OF US GO WITH HIM?" Razz asks suddenly.

"he just left, it's not impossible to catch up." Red shrugs.

"MUTT, GO AFTER HIM!" Razz shouts. "HE IS LITERALLY THE SQUISHIEST MEMBER OF OUR PARTY, WE DON'T NEED ANYONE BREAKING OUR GLASS CANNON."

"aww, he does care." Sans coos sarcastically. "it's really not a big deal guys, i'll be fine."

"famous last words." Slim mutters.

"touché."

"anyways; sans yer guy is uh, skippy. a tortle fence you can usually find in one of the bars downtown."

"guess that's where i'm going then."

"this sounds kind of like a secret meeting, can i shadow sans from a distance rather than walk with him?" Slim asks.

"sure, why not? need a stealth roll."

"getting some creepy stalker vibes slim."

Slim merely shrugs and proceeds to roll the dice.

"modified twenty."

"so much stealth. ya just disappear in the market crowd."

"can i see him?" Sans asks.

"perception."

"doubt it with a fifteen."

"yeah, nope." Red says before turning to the rest of the party. "alright, i'm gonna do the info gathering with sans right now, as far as the general store goes, it's gonna be any starting equipment in the handbook at the listed price. when this one's done we'll come back to you guys and answer any questions ya have, sound good?"

The rest of the party nods and affirmative.

__________

After about 10 minutes of walking, Sans and a hidden Slim find their way to a rundown-looking tavern near the outskirts of town. The bar's interior is dark and unfriendly as Sans enters, glancing around for his contact. Slim follows him inside soon afterwards, taking a seat a good distance away, but still within hearing.

Sans waves at a rather aged tortle sitting on his own in a far corner of the bar. "heya skippy."

The tortle turns to look at the call. "Hey, Sans! Back from that mission already huh? Shame you didn't kick it, but hey, more business for me that way right?"

______

"SANS, I DON'T THINK I LIKE YOUR FRIEND..."

"i dunno, he kinda reminds me of someone we know." Sans says with a meaningful look towards Red, who politely flips him off.

_____

"you wouldn't be saying that if you'd seen what that smokey demon-thing was planning for all the nearby towns." Sans chuckles. "anyways, i need a favor."

Skippy rolls his eyes dramatically. "Ya always do, pal. What can Ol' Skippy do for ya then?"

"i'm looking for information on the southern border; maps, rumors, anything i can find about what i'd be up against if i head down there."

"What kinda mission are ya going after that needs ya to head down there?" Skippy narrows his eyes suspiciously.

"we're pretty sure it's the big quest everyone's been talking about, but it's just a high-paid scouting mission. gonna be dealing with a dire wolf while we're there too, but the scouting mission's the focus."

Skippy looks almost disgusted at the mention of the scouting mission and huffs angrily. "With what I've been hearing is going on down there they'd better be paying you well, this stuff's no joke."

"that bad huh?"

Skippy nods. "Yeah, it really is. If ya wanna know more though, ya gotta pay my fee."

"oof, you're heartless."

He shrugs. "Guy's gotta eat. If ya really don't wanna pay, ya could always do me a favor instead."

Sans looks at him suspiciously. "what kinda favor?"

Skippy quickly looks left and right, checking if the coast is clear before pulling out an ornately-carved wooden box. "I mighta been snooping through some of the old buildings outside of town and uh... _appropriated_ this little number from it. Help me crack it open and I'll give ya the info free of charge."

________

"...red, can i guess how 'probably stolen' this is right now with an insight check?"

"oh no need, dude's suspicious as fuck."

"oookay then. can i insight to guess how much this is probably worth to him then?"

"go for it."

"seventeen."

Red rolls as well and a look of sheer disappointment crosses his face and he mutters, "goddamnit skippy." under his breath.

"ya can tell that whatever's in that box, skippy is absolutely desperate to get it."

___________

"you must really want whatever's in that box if you're asking me for help. how 'bout if i get it open, ya waive the info fee and i get a cut of whatever's in there." Sans grins.

**Persuasion Check: 13**

Skippy's face contorts into a grimace. "...Fine." He says grudgingly. "But ya still have to get it open."

"'course skip." Sans says taking the box and beginning to examine it gingerly.

_______

"first thing's first, this thing seem trapped?"

"PEOPLE WOULD TRAP SUCH A SMALL BOX?" Blue asks.

"you never know."

"investigation check."

"oof. eight."

"eh, skippy's been carrying it around all this time, it's probably fine... ya hope anyways..."

"time to try unlocking then i guess." Sans rolls the dice, a stupid grin coming over his face. "nat 20!"

"goddamnit. now i actually have to figure out what's in the box." Red grumbles.

"what's in the boooooooox?" 

"shut the fuck up."

________

Sans barely has to look at it before popping it open with his set of thieves' tools. Inside the box is a handful of jeweled necklaces, all of decent make. Next to them lays a very battered-looking pair of leather gloves.

_________

"that is so suspicious, what rolls do i need to make?"

"eh, investigation or arcana."

"...seven."

"nope. and skippy... really likes all the shiny things." Red says after his own roll.

__________

Skippy gazes hungrily at the treasures within the box, grabbing the necklaces to admire them all more closely. "Oh this is excellent! Exactly what I've been hoping for!"

"cool, glad you're happy. what's my cut of all this?" Sans asks.

Skippy glares at Sans with disdain before choosing one of the necklaces from his bunch and handing it to him. "There, take that and those ratty old things if you want." He says gesturing towards the gloves. "I would suggest ditching the box though, it would likely garner a lot of attention out and about."

**Gained:**

**Pair of Gloves**

**Malachite Necklace**

"pleasure doing buisness with you skip, as always." Sans winks, quickly pocketing the items.

"Yes, yes. Now what was it you were actually here for again?"

"any info you've got on the southern border."

"Right, yes. There's a lot, so I'd suggest you get comfortable."

According to Skippy there's been an enormous number of disturbances there lately. Besides the orcs and dire wolf that the party had been tasked to investigate, there had been rumors of other powerful beasts and humanoids migrating towards there. Horror stories had begun reaching even their own far-off town about a lich taking up residence in some abandoned castle far to the South. Skippy notes that that most troubling rumor is probably what they were sending out scouts for. 

____________

"wow, those government guys are really just throwing us to the wolves huh?" Sans remarks.

"actually, we're doing that to ourselves." Slim quips and half the table dissolves into laughter.

"what is a lich anyways?" Sans asks.

"arcana again."

"..."

"what'd ya get?"

"natural one..."

____________

"the hell's a lich?" Sans asks.

Skippy looks at him as if he'd grown a second head. "The whadd'ya mean 'what's a lich?' yer a skeleton ain't ya? You should know this stuff."

"well i don't, so please explain."

"They're basically guys that've turned into skeletons trying to achieve immortality."

"i still don't get what the big deal is. i mean, i'm a skeleton and people don't have a problem with me."

Skippy shakes his head. "No, you're a skeleton _monster_ , which is completely different from a lich. Skeleton monsters are born, while liches are made. They're evil, power-hungry wizards that wanted to extend their lives. If ya really want a good comparison, liches are to skeleton monsters what chromatic dragons are to dragonborns."

_____________

"oh shit, that sounds bad for us."

_____________

"well that could be a problem."

"Ya think? Lucky for you that I've got something to help with that then." Skippy says, digging into his bag and pulling out a large rolled-up map.

"This here map oughta help you steer clear of the bastard, it's the most recent one I've been able to get my mitts on in a long while _and_ I'm selling it for cheap!"

Sans looks at Skippy suspiciously. "how much am i looking at here?"

"You're a good friend-slash-return-customer, so I'll give it to ya for 20 gold, a good deal to make sure you live long enough to keep coming back."

___________

"that is... awfully kind of him if the map's real. can i insight that or whatever?"

"sure thing."

"damn, modified twenty." Sans relays happily.

"as far as you can tell, skippy at least believes the map is real. he's on the up and up and seems to be going outta his way for ya this time."

"AWWW." Blue coos.

____________

Sans easily parts with the gold and Skippy hands him the map in return.

"As always, it's a pleasure doing business with ya Sans, but I've got to be on my way." Skippy says, getting up from his seat at the table. 

"Also, you hiding over there." He continues, looking towards Slim's hiding place. "It is rather rude to eavesdrop you know."

___________

"busted." Stretch laughs.

"and that's where we'll cut back to the rest of the party. so, besides the general store, anybody have anything they wanna check out?" Red asks.

"OH! I WOULD LIKE TO SEE OUR FRIEND AND MY LOYAL FOLLOWER-" Papyrus looks like he's about to say something, but trails off. "WE... STILL DON'T KNOW HIS NAME..." He mumbles sheepishly.

"any objections?"

"..."

___________

The rest of the party heads towards where your friend **Hiram** has managed to find work in town as a blacksmith. As you approach his back is to your party, sparks filling the air as he works sharpening a blade.

"GREETINGS HIRAM! IT IS I THE GREAT PAPYRUS COMING TO VISIT YOU AT YOUR WORK!" Papyrus shouts, easily making himself heard over the grating sound of sharpening metal. Hiram looks up from his work and notices you all standing there, a wide smile breaking across his face. He rushes to put down the blade and remove the protective gear he'd been wearing before rushing over to you.

"It's good to see you all again!" He says jovially, moving to shake each of your hands in turn. "What brings you here? Looking for a weapon or some repairs?"

"NO, JUST CAME TO SEE HOW YOU'RE DOING." Papyrus says. "WE WERE PLANNING ON HEADING OUT ON A MISSION SOON, SO I THOUGHT I WOULD SEE HOW YOU WERE DOING BEFORE WE LEFT."

"I see. In that case I would be happy to inspect your equipment, make sure all your armor and weapons are in good condition at the very least."

"THAT WOULD BE MOST WELCOME, THANK YOU VERY MUCH HIRAM!"

\------

"alrighty, gonna roll for how good a job he does." Red mutters to himself, the sound of dice rolling audible from behind the screen. "okay, not bad."

"for blue, he doesn't really have a whole lot he can do for yer equipment except for doing a quick once over yer weapons, which ya haven't really used yet. for times, again there isn't really a whole lot to do, mostly just cleaning and touch ups on the armor and weapons. papyrus' stuff is a bit more battle-worn but he manages to knock out most of the dents and it definitely looks more presentable now. with boss's stuff he's kinda at a loss, especially knowing how ya use spells on the blade a lot, he doesn't really wanna mess with it in case he does more harm than good."

"That Is Appreciated If A Little Disappointing." Edge remarks.

"and razz. at first yer kinda reluctant to let go of yer stuff, but he actually does a really nice job. all the worst dents yer armor picked up in the last couple fights 're fixed and hiram knocks some grit outta the joints so it can move a bit easier. does a pretty good job on yer halberd too, sharp and shiny as it ever was. anyone who wants to can roll history or insight of your choice."

"THIRTEEN."

"ELEVEN."

"A Fourteen."

 _NATURAL 20!/natural 20!_

The cheer went up from Stretch and Blue at nearly the same exact time, Blue throwing his hands up in triumph.

"woah, the swap bros with twin nat twenties." Sans whistles. "what're the chances?"

There is a brief shuffling of papers. "okay, so ya both notice just how familiar hiram seems to be with that particular variety of armor razz uses. it took him a couple minutes to figure out what times' and papyrus' armor really needed to be fixed, but with razz's it was almost instantaneous. what razz uses is pretty standard in this area among soldiers and city guard, but the blacksmiths that work with them are usually employed directly by the governing lord."

"...and what does that mean?" Stretch asks.

"whatever ya think it means." Red replied unhelpfully. "ya've finished yer shopping and gotten some stuff repaired, d'ya guys wanna meet back up and hit the road?"

"Just A Moment Brother, Is There A Place To Purchase Magical Supplies In This Area?"

"uh, there's an apothecary ya can stop by, are ya looking for anything specific?"

"I Was Hoping To Find The Ingredients For Making Spell Scrolls, I Assume They Would Have Such Things There?"

"yep, they would. i'll uh, get ya a list of requirements 'n prices 'n stuff as soon as i can, i don't actually know where to look for that off the top of my head. purchases from there'll be retroactive for now." Red states with a wave of his hand.

"As Long As I Do Receive It At Some Point." Edge grumbles to himself, which of course meant that the whole table heard.

"ey, don't get snippy with me. shit like that takes like days for each item anyways, so ya couldn't get it made if yer leaving today." Red says, leveling a glare at the other. "alright, so yer members meet back up and start going over yer plan moving forward..."

\-------

Sans lifts his head from the table upon noticing his allies return to the tavern. "'ey guys, how'd the shopping go?"

"EXCELLENT! I BELIEVE WE NOW HAVE EVERYTHING WE NEED TO MOVE FORWARD WITH OUR QUEST. ALSO, HIRAM SAYS HI!" Papyrus announces excitedly. "HOW DID THE WHATEVER YOU WERE DOING GO BROTHER?"

"pretty good, got us a map."

"Excellent, I Am Certain It Will Come In Handy During The Actual Scouting Part Of The Mission. How Long Will It Take To Get There?"

\--------

"red?"

"survival check to read the map."

"cool i'm good at those." He rolls. "twenty-three."

Red nods. "it's about a week to the border, but only three or four days to get to the farmstead with the wolf."

"We Should Get Moving Then."

"everyone in agreement?" Red asks them all getting several nods in response. "okay then, yer hitting the road. what's yer marching order?"

"WELL, SANS CAN NAVIGATE SO HE SHOULD PROBABLY STAY UP FRONT." Blue remarks.

"squishies should stay in the middle." Slim says pointedly. "tanks in front and back in case of traps or sneak attacks."

"OBVIOUSLY AS PARTY LEADER I AM NAVIGATING!" Razz shouts triumphantly.

"is your survival even any good razz?" Stretch asks skeptically.

"OF COURSE IT IS! I HAVE A PLUS THREE!"

"BUT SANS' IS A PLUS FOUR AND HE HAS GOOD AC, MAYBE WE SHOULD HAVE HIM TAKE THE LEAD?" Papyrus asks tentatively.

"what? no way, navigating is too much work, just let razz have it."

"YES!"

Edge turns to glare at Sans. "If We End Up Lost, I'm Blaming You." He growls.

"so razz is first." Red repeats, marking the development down in his notes.

"THE MUTT WILL BE UP FRONT WITH ME."

"AND I THINK WE SHOULD KEEP TO SLIM'S SUGGESTION OF HAVING MYSELF, SANS AND EDGE IN THE MIDDLE." 

"I Am Not A Squishy Blue, My Class Is A Melee Fighter."

"WHO ALSO JUST SO HAPPENS TO HAVE THE WORST BASE AC OF OUR PARTY."

Edge grumbles a bit at that, but doesn't argue further.

"that just leaves me and papyrus to bring up the caboose of our lineup then."

"IT WOULD APPEAR SO STRETCH." Papyrus agrees, patting him on the back.

"hey, can i be like furthest back in the middle so that paps can carry me when i get tired?"

"I WILL NOT BE DOING THAT SANS, YOU WILL WALK TO THE MISSION ON YOUR OWN TWO FEET!"

"but it's so faaar." Sans whines.

"BUT YOU AREN'T ACTUALLY WALKING ANYWHERE???"

"I Swear You're Like A Toddler."

"anyways," Red interrupts. "order i have so far is razz, slim, blue, edge, sans, papyrus and times. sound about right?" There was a general murmur of agreement from the party before Red continued. "cool, first bit of travel then, need a survival roll from razz."

"HELL YEAH, NINETEEN!"

There is a sound of rolling dice from behind the DM screen once more. "so, yer first bit of travel goes by without a hitch, the road is a familiar one that yeh've travelled before and being so close to a town full of sellswords and mercenaries the roads are pretty safe. there's a pretty decent amount of plains around the village, but it gradually turns into forest the farther away from town you get. Soon enough it's midafternoon and yer all settling down for a short rest by the side of the road. anybody got something they wanna do?" He looks to the party.

\------------

Sans immediately drops his bag and falls face-first onto it, using it as a pillow as he begins a nap.

\-----------

"Well That Was Expected."

"anybody else?"

"UMMM... IS THERE ANYTHING INTERESTING AROUND?" Blue asks.

"perception check."

"...NATURAL ONE."

"yer kinda distracted by the epic face plant sans just did. i mean, that had to have hurt or broken some shit in his bag right?"

"fuck, i hope not."

"besides that it's just trees and rocks along the side of the road."

"CAN I TRY TO FIND THE TALLEST TREE TO CLIMB, SO I CAN SCOUT FURTHER DOWN THE ROAD?" Papyrus asks.

"i don' see why not."

"That Actually Sounds Like A Good Plan, May I Attempt As Well?"

Red shrugs. "i gue-"

"YOU TWO ARE NOT LEAVING ME OUT OF THIS! I SHALL CLIMB THE TALLEST TREE AND PROVE I AM BETTER THAN THE BOTH OF YOU!" Razz butts in.

"I WANT TO TRY AS WELL!" Blue agrees.

"it's become a full-blown contest at this point." Sans chuckles.

"oh god, it's the hiking trip all over again." Stretch groans. "and the worst part is times is going to have to go with you because of mission and honor and all that good stuff. plus you're gonna need a judge."

"what about you slim?" Red asks their quietest party member.

"is there a river or stream nearby? i want to fill up the extra water skins i bought."

"perception check."

"twenty-one."

"yeah actually, there's one a ways off the main road that seems pretty pure."

Slim just nods and marks something down on his character sheet.

"okay, for those of ya in this tree-climbing contest, need an athletics or acrobatics of yer choosin'"

\--------

All four of them are off like a shot as soon as Times shouts 'go', running at the trees and hoping to get some momentum. Unfortunately for Edge and Papyrus, the branches they choose initially can't support their weight and break off as they try to climb. Blue has a bit better luck, though his initial trouble reaching the branches is a pretty big time waster in this race. Razz doesn't even bother trying to grab a branch, instead holding onto the trunk of the tree with his claws like a cat and climbing up to the stronger branches that way. He's at the top of a nearly forty-foot tree in no time flat, securing the win.

There is a light sound from the ground as Slim starts applauding.

\--------

"HAH, TWENTY-FIVE! BOW DOWN TO THE TREE CLIMBING MASTER!"

"not a bad roll at all razzmatazz, perception check to scout now that yer at the top. for everyone else, what's yer passive perception?" Red inquires suddenly.

"IS THAT A ROLL OR...?"

"naw, should be listed on yer sheet below yer stats. anyone higher than a fifteen?" There is a shuffling of paper as all the skeletons check their stats followed by a lot of head shaking.

"I ONLY ROLLED A 13..." Razz grumbles.

"I THINK SANS WOULD BE THE ONLY ONE WITH THE STAT THAT HIGH AND HE'S ASLEEP." Papyrus remarks.

"good point." Red says with a sharklike grin. "hey sans, i need a perception check, with disadvantage 'cause yer asleep."

"i really don't like that smile." Sans remarks nervously before grabbing the dice. "crap, nine."

"yer asleep. roll a d4."

"that's not ominous at all. three."

\----------

The party makes their way back to the main road to start on their way again when they realize that Sans is no longer sleeping next to the road.

\----------

"FUCK! HOW LONG HAS HE BEEN GONE?!"

"ya've been climbin' trees 'n shit fer nearly an hour now. coulda been twenty minutes or two seconds fer all ya know."

"IS THERE ANY CHECK TO TRACK HIM?"

"tracking's survival if i remember correctly."

\----------

**Survival Check:**

**Blue: 5**

**Razz: 8**

**Edge: 6**

**Papyrus: 10**

**Slim: Natural 1**

**Stretch: 18**

While the rest of the party is frantically searching the road for clues, Times notices a set of drag marks going through the dirt and into the forest on the other side of the road. Some trampled foliage leading into the deeper parts of the woods leaves a decent trail for him to follow after their quarry.

"Quickly friends! I have found the trail!" Times shouts, pointing the trail out to the party before rushing into the forest, his allies hot on his tail. Slim takes slightly longer to follow as he has to disentangle himself from some creeping thorn bushes he'd stumbled into.

\---------

"alright sans, perception at disadvantage again."

"oh what, am i being kidnapped inside of a kidnapping?"

"maybe, just roll the damn dice."

"oof, eleven.

"that's enough."

\----------

Sans wakes to the sensation of being dragged by his ankles. He looks up and is greeted by the sight of a low dirt ceiling and two small lizard-like creatures grabbing each of his legs as they drag him along.

"uhhh..."

They both jump at the sudden noise from their captive, spinning around to face him. There's a dagger being waved in Sans' face as the bigger of the two creatures yells at him, the words sounding like gibberish. After a few moments the creatures seem to realize that he's not getting a word of what they're saying and switch to Common.

"No moving!" They hiss, still waving around the dagger.

"uh, okay i guess?" Sans says blinking up at them owlishly before laying back down again.

\-------

"SERIOUSLY?! YOU'VE JUST BEEN KIDNAPPED AND ARE NOW BEING THREATENED AND ALL YOU CAN THINK TO DO IS GO ALONG WITH IT?" Razz screeches angrily.

"i mean, they haven't killed me yet." Sans shrugs.

"That Is Terrible Reasoning And You Are Going To Get Killed."

**KNOCK KNOCK**

All heads turn towards the front door.

Papyrus looks to Sans in confusion. "DID YOU ORDER A PIZZA OR SOME OTHER GREASY DELIVERY FOOD BROTHER?"

"i don't think so..." He slowly gets up from the table. "i'll go grab the door, just switch back to everyone else for now I guess." With that said, he takes a shortcut to the front door.

Red blinks, reshuffling some papers as he refocuses on the rest of the group. "so, times managed to find some tracks leading into the forest." Red continues nonchalantly. "do ya wanna move at a slow pace for stealth or just move normally?"

"uh, stealth i think?" There is a general murmur of agreement as Stretch looks to the rest of the group.

"stealth rolls then, don't forget if you have disadvantage 'cause armor or whatever."

\-----------

**Stealth**

**Razz: 4**

**Blue: 23**

**Stretch: 13**

**Papyrus: 8**

**Slim: 8**

**Edge: 12**

The party continues for around 20 minutes in relative silence, though the clanking of armor can still be heard as some of their more well-defended members try to remain hidden; Razz's newly polished armor works against him exceptionally well as it seems to reflect nearly every ray of sunlight streaming through the forest's canopy.

\----------

"hey razz, what's yer ac?"

"OH GODDAMNIT."

\----------

There is a noise from the forest and Razz is barely able to raise a gauntleted hand in time to block two large-ish rocks that come careening his way.

\----------

"everyone, roll initiative."

\----------

Times is up first, knocking an arrow as he searched the shrubbery for his ally's assailants. 

**Perception check: 18**

His arrow flies true, pinning the lizard-like creature to a tree as life quickly leaves it.

\--------

**Perception check: 18**

Slim follows up quickly, running at the second assailant and smashing them with his mace, their body falling limply to the ground.

\-------

"and that's combat apparently."

"SERIOUSLY? I DON'T EVEN GET TO HELP." Papyrus asks, astonished.

"ME EITHER!" Blue pouts.

"yep."

"Idiots!" Edge hissed. "If They're The Ones That Took Sans We Should Have Captured Them Alive! Then At Worst We'd Have A Bargaining Chip For Getting Him Back Without Having To Search The Whole Forest Ourselves."

"oops." Slim mutters, looking apologetic.

"calm your shit edgelord. these guys were probably scouting here, which means there's something worth guarding nearby."

Edge let out an annoyed huff as he turns back to his brother. "I Would Like To Know What We're Dealing With Here. What Are These Things?"

"uh, nature check; not gonna be hard."

"Nineteen."

"well alright then." Red shuffles a few papers behind his screen. "they're kobolds, little dragon-y lizard things that're a lot like goblins, but a bit more organized. they mostly hide out in caves or narrow underground tunnels and they're pretty weak, but get a bunch of 'em together in a pack and they can be pretty formidable."

"And If Two Are Simply Working As Scouts, There Is Likely A Relatively Large Pack At Work Here And They Are Probably Living Underground. Fantastic, I Cannot Imagine How This Could Be Any Better." Edge says dryly as he glares at Stretch.

"whatever. i'm gonna start looking around for these things' hideout, what am i rolling?"

"investigation."

"sweet." Stretch rolls, then frowns. "less sweet. nine."

"yeah, no. looks like just a normal clearing to you."

"I Do Ever So Hate To Say 'I Told You So...'" Edge says sarcastically.

"oh, shut up."

"THE BOTH OF YOU NEED TO QUIT ARGUING LIKE CHILDREN." Razz glares at them. "RED, I'M GOING TO LOOK FOR TRACKS FROM THE SCOUTS OR ANYTHING ELSE THAT WOULD HELP US NARROW DOWN OUR SEARCH, WHAT SHOULD I ROLL?"

"i'll say survival for this, just cuz yer trying to track them essentially."

"NINETEEN." 

"okay, so yer lookin' at where the first scout was and there's a whole lotta nothing, it either doubled back on itself or made a perimeter. the second one's tracks make it look like they dropped down from a tree at some point, 'cause it's prints just sorta appear outta nowhere before looping around in pretty much the same way. yer just about to give up when ya notice somethin' weird stickin' outta a bush nearby, looks like a tail or something."

"THEN I AM GOING TO DRAG IT OUT AND RESTRAIN IT BEFORE IT CAN RUN." Razz growls lowly, already reaching for his dice.

"'kay, athletics check."

"TWENTY-THREE."

"jeez. well, ya nearly rip the thing's tail completely off as ya drag it outta the bush, it doesn't even fight back, just laying there."

Razz raises an eyebrow at that. "IS IT PLAYING DEAD OR SOMETHING?"

"uh... either perception or medicine."

"PERCEPTION. EIGHTEEN."

"damn, yer on a _roll_ razzmatazz." Red jokes, ignoring the disdainful looks sent his way. "thing's got a big ass lump on it's head and judging by the sling in it's hand and the bloody rock nearby, ya can guess that it probably hit itself with a rock and passed out."

"HOW DID IT MANAGE THAT?" Blue asks incredulously.

"definitely not with a natural one, i can tell ya that fer sure." Red grumbles.

"WHATEVER, NOT IMPORTANT. I GRAB THE LITTLE CRETIN AND SHAKE IT AWAKE SO I CAN INTERROGATE IT!"

"medicine check razz."

"SEVENTEEN!"

\----------

The small lizard wakes up extremely dazed and confused, making the party wonder whether either the hit or Razz's unrelenting shaking had caused it brain damage.

Razz stops shaking the kobold, now simply holding it aloft to glare directly into it's eyes. "WELL GOOD MORNING YOU ABSOLUTE SHIT EXCUSE FOR A LOOKOUT. YOUR GROUP KIDNAPPED OUR ALLY AND WE WANT HIM BACK SO, WHERE IS HE?"

**Persuasion Check: 3**

The kobold glares back boldly, clenching their mouth shut tightly as they do so. Razz's grip on the creature tightens, his expression shifting from mild anger and annoyance to blind rage in a heartbeat.

**Intimidation Check: 18**

\--------

 **"I WILL KNOCK OUT EVERY ONE OF YOUR TEETH EXCEPT ONE, JUST SO THAT YOU CAN CHEW THE OTHERS AS I FORCE-FEED THEM TO YOU!"** Razz screeches, jumping up out of his seat and sending the poor folding chair crashing to the floor.

"whoa chill out razzmatazz, some of us like having the ability to hear." Strech gripes, holding the side of his head nearest Razz.

"Okay, I'll talk, I'll-!" Red's kobold impression is cut off by heavy footfalls fast approaching from outside their game room. 

Razz, who's already on his feet, whirls around towards the door magic already sparking around him as he prepares to launch an attack at their unknown visitor. The other skeletons from Fell 'verses scramble to follow suit, barely managing to stand up from their seats before-

**_BOOM_ **

The door is nearly taken off it's hinges as it bursts open, revealing a figure a bit too large to fit under the door without stooping. Asgore stood before them, the normally jolly monarch stony faced as his gaze shoots around the room, taking stock of everything going on.

"KING ASGORE??? WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?" Papyrus shouts, the first to voice his confusion.

The goat king blinks, his expression changing back to his more normal, friendly appearance as he looks over them all.

"Oh, howdy Papyrus. I was just dropping some things off for you and your brother. I knew you were missing Toriel's party because it was a 'Bros Night' and... um..." Asgore trails off as his gaze shifts to the rather hostile looks he was receiving from the table.

"THAT IS VERY KIND OF YOU KING ASGORE, BUT WAS THE LOUD DOOR-OPENING NECESSARY?" Papyrus questions, looking to where the door had started pulling away from the wall.

"eh, i'm less worried about the door and more about the wall." Sans says, now suddenly rejoining the group once more.

Following the recently-appeared skeleton's gaze, Asgore noticed the perfectly doorknob-shaped hole in the wall where it had no doubt smashed through the plaster during his entrance.

The old goat's face became sheepish. "My apologies, I had not intended on such destruction when I arrived, but I was having a rather nice conversation with Sans outside, when I suddenly heard screaming and obscenities from inside and well..." The king's face turned sad as his gaze drifted to the floor. "With how things have been lately I couldn't help but think the worst..."

All of the table members winced at that. From this realitiy or not, they had all heard about the rather widespread bouts of hatred and violence humans had met monsters with in some cases, hate groups organizing every so often to make protests and rallies trying to send monsters away. Home invasions and general vandalism was becoming a growing trend among the supporters of such organizations, something the police had yet to find a solution to outside of stationing officers in monster neighborhoods to dissuade attempts.

Asgore snaps himself out of his thoughts, addressing the skeletons once more. "I apologize, I don't believe we've met which is very odd in itself, but I was unaware of any other skeletons like Sans and Papyrus living nearby." He says, rather obviously trying to change the subject.

"OH! THEY ARE OUR, UH, COUSINS! YES, WE DIDN'T REALLY GET TO SEE THEM OFTEN UNDERGROUND BECAUSE THEY LIVED RATHER FAR AWAY, SO WE MEET UP EVERY SO OFTEN NOW TO CATCH UP AND PLAY GAMES!" Papyrus informed the king, the half-lie falling from him with surprising ease.

Asgore beams at them, apparently buying it. "I see! Family is extremely important, I'm glad that you all are able to reconnect now that we're on the Surface."

There is an extremely awkward silence that seems to just drag on as Asgore seems caught between wanting to apologize some more and trying to make a polite exit from the room. Clearing his throat, the goat king seems to choose the latter. "Sans, Papyrus, I will be happy to help fix the damages whenever you deem necessary, you have my phone number. I will not keep you from your Pathfinder any longer than I already have."

"IT'S D&D NOT WHATEVER THIS 'PATHFINDER' IS." Razz corrects swiftly.

"It Is Basically The Same Thing." Edge interjects.

"yeah, except fer character building, level progression and combat mechanics, exactly the same." Red snarks.

"Oh, dear." Asgore bleats worriedly as the argument begins.

"you know this kinda stuff fluffybuns?" Stretch asks, trying to distract the group from their bickering.

He blinks for a moment, then smiles. "Well, I once had a much older system back when we were underground. It was rather tedious to learn how to play, but very fun trying to overcome some of the obstacles presented to us." He chuckles. "Human ideas on how magic worked were also rather amusing, though it made it rather more difficult to figure out." 

Red nods at the king's comments. "we're playin' fifth ed, it made a lot o' that stuff with combat and character creation a lot simpler. pathfinder's good too, but 5e's a bit easier fer beginners." He not-so-subtlety gestures to the table as a whole.

"HEY!" 

"just callin' it like it is blue."

"y'know," Sans starts and the rest of the group can already see an idea forming in his head, "since fluffybuns isn't allowed at tori's party, that means he's probably gonna be stuck at home all alone on a fun holiday." He says sending a significant look to the rest of the table.

Blue gasps. "YOU'RE RIGHT SANS! NO ONE SHOULD BE ALONE ON HOLIDAYS! ESPECIALLY HOLIDAYS THAT STRESS THE POSSIBILITY OF AXE MURDERERS ATTACKING PEOPLE WHO STAY HOME ALONE!"

"really shouldn't have let you watch that movie..." Stretch comments.

"Does Anyone Have An Objection To This?"

Razz shakes his head. "I WOULD NOT MIND HAVING ANOTHER MINION TO ORDER AROUND." 

Edge looks to Slim who just shrugs.

"Oh, I would not want to impose any more than I already have!"

"yer not imposing, was about time for a break anyway. gimme ten minutes and I'll have ya set up with one o' my pre-made characters."

"so, whaddya say fluffybuns? wanna stick around?"

Asgore hesitates a moment before smiling wide. "I would love to join if you'll have me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't really know why I decided to bring Asgore in, it just sorta happened. Also, this story has almost-plot now! OwO


End file.
